Are you shaming or building?
We live in a society where people are shamed for not knowing what the other person knows. I would have said not knowing enough but I have realized that there’s no such thing as knowing enough because knowledge is infinite.
This attitude stops people from seeking knowledge from their peers, from admitting that they do not know a particular thing and so they keep their mouth shut in their ignorance. Some even try to act smart to impress.
Today, my younger sister asked me, “have you heard of forex?” I type it like this because I instantly knew that was what she meant. I then asked her, do you even know what ‘FOREX’ means? she said no.
With no judgment in my expression or sarcasm, I instantly educated her, it means Foreign Exchange, ta-da, ta-da, gave her good knowledge of it. Then she went, “I feel so sad that I didn’t know that.” she almost started beating herself up. I told her, my dear, you need to read widely, pay attention to the news once in a while, read blogs with topics on Economics, Accounting, just read wide.
She heaved a sigh of relief and went, “thank God my sister is smart.” Lol. I don’t think for a second that I’m super smart. In fact, if you asked me what my gift is, I think it’s smiling at people and lifting their spirits with positive words.
The point I’m trying to make here is this: if I had made fun of her for not knowing something as basic as the meaning of FOREX, a little part of her self esteem would have been damaged (God knows what damage has been done already). She would cautiously approach me next time or prefer to do her search on Google.
You find that that’s what is happening in the world today. Twitter is not a place you want to be if you don’t have a strong spine. People on Instagram say careless words to strangers that they have never met (people that they probably envy their achievements in real life) because of a mistake.
I believe firmly that if you are placed in a position above others, by education, achievements, wealth, privileges, you should make it a duty to teach other people to become better, do better, equip them to be better, challenge them to do better, constructively criticize, not mock them for not knowing what they do not know, not intentionally demoralize them and break their spirits.
In Nigeria for instance, it’s not uncommon to find people from the Yoruba tribe who find it difficult to pronounce words like Appreciation, Egg, At, Umbrella without making sounds like Happreciation, Hegg, Hat, Humbrella. (the list is endless).
A lot of people hear their parents, friends, and colleagues talk like this and they laugh at them or mimic them in jest when they can choose that moment to teach them to pronounce words starting with vowels properly.
Of course, the labels would start coming, “ ‘over do’, ITK i.e. ‘I too know’, professor”. Bitter pill to swallow, people do not like to be corrected, parents especially when it’s coming from their children. I want to say at this point that it is very important to be teachable.
This is what would enable you to see the point or wisdom in what someone is trying to teach you. Never mind that some people do not know how to communicate properly, you also have to do the work of looking beyond the attitude to the message.
Ask yourself, “Is there wisdom in what this person is telling me? Have I noticed the reaction of other people when I say or do things like this in the past? What is this person’s intention for telling me this? Do I have the capacity to do better?”
I believe that a humble and teachable person would ask himself/herself these questions.
As an individual, you need to ask yourself, “Am I shaming or building this person? What is the ripple effect? What have people tried to teach me overtime? How did I respond? How am I going to respond to correction going forward? How am I going to impart knowledge to the next person?”
